I got the long face and bad news

        I just want to say thank you to everyone I have talked to here on line and Read blogging. The Doctor gave me the bad news last Thursday . I have 12 months give or take a few. I knew before I went the doctor I was to see immediately after him had a added specialty of palliative care. That's a doctor that over see,s hospice and knocks you out when the end is near. She reminded me of a sweet Aunt I named my youngest after. 

           Being told your dying is a bitch, its worst because I feel GOOD . I mean I am having trouble swallowing again but I am managing to get down enough food . I had prepared my wife so she was my rock . Telling the kids went as expected  but when I had to go up and tell my  MOM  and brother  I lost it. I am ok now but I have a lot to get done. Next week is a lawyer to do a will. I have a note book I am listing items the wife is to give to friends and  relative's once I pass (damn writing and speaking "once I pass" feels weird ). I have a lot to sell because the wife would be lost getting rid of MY STUFF.

        I had to send a letter to my cousin and uncle they have been trying to sell some property I'm half owner in. WE don't get along ,I demanded 60% low retail of my share  to deed it to him . It will burn his ass to have to pay me himself but if he doesn't he has to contend with my wife and 3 kids to make a sale. My kids make what resterraunt for a birthday into a cluster fuck and he knows it. I gave him 60 days or no deal.

        Yea im rambling so I will end this post just wanted to put it out here .

I am still around.

      Sorry for not posting for so long . I haven't been feeling great still don't . I have been having a lot of sharp pain  in my throat to my ear. Its a ghost pain caused by nerves according to the doctor like when someone loses a leg and it itches. Mine is caused by swelling of the nerve bundle . Friday I go in to have my throat stretched and biopsies  took . My eating should improve and decrease the pain. It has been 359 days since they removed the cancer so I need to let them poke around and check it out.

Lack of sleep ghost pain.

     For the last 6 weeks I haven't had a good nights sleep . I tend to wake up every hour with a pain going from my throat to my ear sharp but it only last a minute then gone. The doctor says its nerve induced like  ghost pain nothing they can do but hope it disappears on its own. Its worst at night but happens during the day to. At first I thought it was reflux but I have that calmed down with Prilosec .
      Not getting uninterrupted sleep makes me groggy and difficult to concentrate normal. I think tonight I will try a Beer or 2 to help me sleep it is the least objectionable sleep aid I can think of. The Wife says I am grumpy to so she has wanted me to take Ambien or similar. O well at least I am still here to complain.

healthcare VS old age

       Here’s how it works: doctors like to save people, but when you’re talking about someone who’s eighty years old, what the hell is there left to save? What fun is it to cut them open? They’ll do it if you really want, yet they’re sure to let you know of the complications. The dastardly buggers pull out tongue twisters like “comorbidities.” It’s a word that takes you a while to figure out, but once you do, it makes perfect sense. It’s the horse race between the things that are eventually going to do you in: Coming up to the stretch, in the lead is Metastasized Breast Cancer! Second is Advanced Hypertension, behind him, Carotid Blockage is a distant third with Kidney Failure bringing up the rear. Oh! But coming on strong is Ischemic Stroke! Now Stroke is neck and neck with Breast Cancer! Stroke, Cancer! Cancer, Stroke! Ladies and Gentlemen, what a race!  

      And this is how we all get to end  .

I'm still improving  but I read this in a book and thought it sounded about right to me. Its a race between age and illness . Me personally I thought id be shot by a woman's boyfriend or by my girlfriend . Done got to old to chase women so I got to race father time and modern medicine !!!

Three things that dont taste the same.

    Since my illness a lot of things don't taste the same but I still eat or drink them hoping my taste returns. # 1 is COFFEE

   Pizza 

  Ice cream 

 Just the sight of these 3 foods makes my mouth water.

Shit always happens when we leave town.

      We just got back from a week at the lake . It was fun and the warm weather  was a nice break for my feet and hands . Now I wasn't able to stay the whole time as Friday my oldest daughter called from emergency room where they were admitting her for Gall Bladder removal. It was severely infected and clogged so it had to come out. Even at 31 she wanted her daddy to be there when she had it done ;) . Every thing went fine and she went home Monday and went in to work today to do her and her Bosses paper work for end of the month. She did learn why I make fun of those DOC IN A BOX clinics they sent her home with Pepcid for heartburn.

    I planed on going back to the lake Sunday Morning early. At 8 I get a call from Jason who rents our mobile home that a tree has fallen on it.

    I put this roof on 5 years ago  it saved the old mobile home from being crushed . I got 4 busted rafters to fix and some siding to straighten . On the inside it shoved a 1 ft wide 3 ft long spot in the wall and  floor down 3 inches . in the picture I had already cut the tree  and come a longed  it off the M.H.  The tree was 16" across and solid but dead, it fell because the roots had rotted away. I did luck up in NO LEAKS and it has rained 2 times since.

      Finally  make it back to the lake about 3 pm Sunday afternoon. My wife wasn't bored while I was gone her sister got there as I left Friday and her daughter and best friend came up Saturday. so I missed 4 drunk females . 

     We stayed till yesterday then came back to the real world. I have already raised that wall with a screw jack but the floor didn't budge took the awning the rest of the way off the front of the M.H. My neck and gut is killing me now. The rafters are going to have to wait . I have over done it and still have more to get done.

Hey every one.

     I hope every one has been doing well I haven't been online much in the last few week. For me it has been a ride .

     I spent last Friday night in the hospital and last night in the hospital . Last Friday was for de hydration and Low blood pressure. I had hit a brick wall because I wasn't eating. I was drinking but not enough and with no food for 3 weeks my body was in bad shape. Well they got me plenty of I.V. plus some dextrose I.V. and I was lucky had a young doctor who was thorough and he called my other 2 doctors . This week I have had a swallow study done ( Fine) and yesterday they put in a feeding tube (peg)

  I had fought against the feeding tube from day one . The more people I talked to and the more weight I lost the more I reliesed I was a Dumbass and it was the only way I was going to get through all my treatments . So yesterday I got the PEG and had to stay 24 hours for observation. Today my body has got 800 calories in it and I can feel it . Tomorrow I will increase to 1200  calories for 2 days then 1800 to 2000 calorie a day after that. My stomach has shrunk  and the nurse advised me to start slow. I hope I will be able to begin eating a little again next week as I have had a   BAD case of Thrush that the young doctor I saw last week prescribed some pills for that are working.

   

     In a few days I will do a post on what starvation does to a person but my thinking is still fuzzy.

    So for now  I am back on the right track . I had chest X rays no cancer evident and my lymph nodes are back to normal size but am still to swollen from the radiation for my neck x rays to be readable. It gives me hope.

It all taste like cardboard !!!!

      Ok a quick update on my treatment. I have had 2 chemo and 8 radiation treatments so far. I have lost 4 pounds since the 20th .
   
     The first week got bad on day 5 (Friday) while I was up selling BBQ . I was hit with nausea and dizziness felt like I was going to pass out. I started the anti nausea med that night and was fine but tired Saturday doing the BBQ. Doing much better now that I scheduled when I take my meds. I learned their is no HE Manning through this.

      Lost my ability to taste Monday after chemo and radiation. Everything taste like I am chewing paper or cardboard. It doesn't matter what it is it all taste the same. I can smell the flavors but once in my mouth its cardboard. The nurse says I will regain taste once the radiation is over. Even coffee taste like crap .

I Start Monday.

     Today I finally met my oncologist ! He seems like a competent doctor and answered my question without dancing around. He has a quiet kind voice suited to the bad news he has to give to some people. I was asked about my ability to eat, pain level, and if I was willing to get a port for chemo.

    At this point I had to stop him and describe myself to him . I made it clear I am a Man I wanted him to treat my cancer aggressively  I don't whine but if I was hurting I would let them know. There would be no feeding tube unless I was below 180 lb. and agreed. As for a port everyone I had talked to said it was better than an arm IV so schedule it. I also made it clear I was a straight talker and wanted him to return the favor  NO CANDY COATING and ALL OPTIONS ON TABLE. He said few patient fit what I described and asked for. Seems he has a lot of patient he has to coddle and baby.

    I start my chemo on Monday morning then I have radiation that afternoon. It looks like I will get 42 doses of radiation and 13 chemo treatments . One day next week I will also get the chemo port in my chest. I will be dealing with these treatments till at least May 15 th.

Tests are in.

     Well I got my test and biopsy report today Not Good. I am stage 4 laryngeal  throat cancer. The ENT surgeon pushed for removal of voice box , neck lymph nodes and permeant tracheotomy  followed by radiation as the way to go. The radiation /chemo doctor pushed starting with rad/chemo as the way to go. My  general practitioner advised me to go with radiation /chemo first because I could still have surgery if necessary . ALL OPTIONS  SUCK!!!!!!

      I choose the radiation / chemo as my option . Breathing through a hole in my neck and not being able to talk didn't appeal to me. I like the water to much for a stoma tracheotomy.  If it is a have to I would do it but not till all other options are gone.

  I have a appointment to get mapped for the radiation next week and probably one with the chemo doctor to. Then I will start the treatments of 7 doses of radiation a week for 6 weeks followed by 6 weeks or more of chemo.   If the tumor isn't gone then it is back to the knife.

     Even though the news wasn't good I am going to beat this. It hasn't moved to my lungs or any where but my neck its a matter of getting it now.  I did lose 6 more pounds in 2 weeks but I am back to eating ok now.  My G/P wants me to start drinking Carnation breakfast shakes 3 times a day . I can still drop 40 pounds before I am at the perfect 180 by chart.  Which is funny I passed the 200 mark when I was 12 . My Mother always told me at 50 things would fall apart seems she was right !!!!  Mom is taking my health hard I can hear her thinking of my stepdad JC when we talk. He had a bad heart that gave out because of cancer treatments.

   Ok that's it for my health when I blog on here it will be about normal stuff . Life is to short to be down ! Its almost time to go camping and I am itching to go. If I beat the big C and get my disability started I am off to see how much living I can really do!!

Prepparing for illness

     Ok this is not a poor pitiful me post . I feel good about the future but there are some hard decisions that will be coming in the future. I understand I will have to face one or more things surgery, chemo, radiation or a combo of all 3.

      Now I run my house the old way, I am head Jackass!! I pay the bills do the shopping earn the funds, make most the important decisions .I do listen to everyone's points of view on stuff but since I pay for or have to do the work I have veto power. With the possibility of me being down for a time I have to prepare the wife and family to take over some things they have no clues about.

    Most of us that read prepper blogs are Alfa personalities and have never considered if something happens to us will our loved ones be able to take over our jobs. In my case it will be illness taking me out of daily chores, income, spending management. Not only have I been sheltering the wife I have found she doesn't want the responsibility shifted to her. I tried to talk to her and it was a stone wall if she wont accept it, it wont happen. She will be getting a crash course in household management over the next 2 weeks. I love my wife but her money skills suck plus her shopping skills can net us 2 meals and junk food for 100$ a trip.

      It will be an interesting next 2 weeks . In the morning I have to go for Labs, X rays, CT scans, at 8 o'clock on the way back I have to pick up 350$ worth of wiring and electrical conduit for my daughters. after lunch I will stub it in from the pole. Thursday I see the ENT about doing the biopsy then meet the electrician to pay for permit and him to connect what I stubbed in. Sunday my step son will do the rest of the plumbing and gas for me and her place will be ready to move in.

    Hopefully the next week I will have a break between doctor visits. I need to install an exterior electrical load center on my sons house the old one has been gutted and wiring cut. It will be about 12 hours work but will allow him to move in after a few other odds and ends he can do.

 

     Preparing my family to move forward while I am down is as much for me as them. The kids moving out was delayed because of me feeling bad then the holidays now its time to get them set. The wife has become a couch potato the last few years and that's my fault. Once she is up to speed I will rest easier .

 

    Thinking about preparing for being out as leader and if my loved one could carry on while sick during good times makes me think have many preppers thought about it to? 

Goverment think. is amazing

    Yesterday I hinted at the run around it was to get seen and insurance . Part of the problem is I work with no pay check I make a living most would consider poverty level but pays the bills and allows travel and extras.

1 if you don't make enuff to file taxes the insurance market place is worthless.

2 if you make under 10,000 from varied sources your looked at as lying / drug dealer to live.

3 you have to show what your source is

4 If you make this little and appy for help they want to know WHY you haven't already applied for everything under the sun!
     I have a rental trailer that nets me 6500 a year in income well below filing amount . My BBQ and Mt Dew is more than this but the bastards can F&%$#@ off on that .

    After the emergency room visit my E N T appointment was canceled due to no insurance. I called the financial aid department and was informed because I didn't work I didn't qualify for market place insurance and without that I couldn't qualify to get co pay forgiveness. I was referred to the county indigent care program at another hospital/clinic.
   I had this medical care for a couple years till renewal in 2014. At that time they demanded I go to the IRS for a letter of non-filing to continue benefits. I had a disputed with the IRS in 2006 and the thought of walking back in their office , Not Happening Alive Not happening ever !!!

  I went to the indigent care qualifying page . If I  have an open disability case with social security and proof of residency I qualify. So last Thursday I go to Social Security and apply for disability based on beginning cancer treatments. I understand I will be deigned but it will get me the indigent care insurance!!!! Before I was done I had to file for 3 different forms of disability. My Ex wife died in 2009 so I had to apply 2 times based on her and 1 on just me. Seems there are special rules for widowers over 50. It took 4 hours but I did it. I raced to the indigent care office with all the paper work. They quit taking applicants at 2,  I was 3 minutes late.

   Friday morning I got there at 8 am and was took right back. The lady was polite till she saw my income was so low and my lease was 5 years old with my tenant.  How much does he pay NOW this lease is 5 years old?   The same , He has never been late has helped me do repairs and so OCD the place is immaculate. Ok here is your blue card go to the appointment office for a primary care appointment.   

   The girl at the appointment office makes me an appointment with a primary care doctor for  APRIL 1st. So I explain to her its my throat what I have going on I let her hear the voice message that I had an appointment to see their ENT Wednesday. The girl calls around double checks and informs me No they just passed the buck.  Ok what can I do before my throat closes and I die in my sleep???  She said we are a county department work the system!!!! Monday come into the urgent care clinic tell the doctor what is wrong in your throat they will get you an emergency appointment with the   E N T  department. Since you were seen at UAB to start with they will refer you back to them at our cost!!!!!  We got rules to follow but ways to get thing done to.

    I did what sweetie told me . I see the clinics E N T at 9 tomorrow to get a referral back the office that I was suppose to be at today. It took 8 trips in to Birmingham about 32 hour of wait/work, 60$ in gas . I am at the same point I was at on the 26th except insured and have medical files in 5 different offices. It also started a disability application in case thing get worse. The indigent care application forces me to apply for food stamps as they go hand in hand now it seems.

Poor Sleep is a big issue

    I seem to be in an unfocused funk the past two weeks . You know the feeling I am sure. I want to do this and that but can't get started on things. I need to secure the new house but I can't till the state sends me one last paper to register it with the county. I need to do some more work on the new trailer but its not a must do so I haven't . There are tons of little things around the house that need to done before winter is here.

     I have always been a procrastinator but this is different. It is a listless dragging feel. I know why it is worst this time. I am not sleeping good it is not a deep restful sleep it like a long nap that I drift in and out of. It may seem to be more an annoyance than a problem but when it interferes with getting jobs done its a PROBLEM.

     I have had a sore throat the last 3 weeks and I just wrote it off as allergy's and the Fall weather. Nope I googled it and my poor sleep. What I found was sleep apnea or heavy snoring could be the cause of both problems. I have always snored ( the wife does to) but since I quit work it has got worst. I could go to the doctor but all they will do is give me a sleep aid or order a sleep study. I have friends that use C pap machines but those solutions are not for me.

    For the next week I am going to try pillows and a hot toddy . I may try herbal tea. I hope it works I have to much to do to have poor sleep and snoring preventing me from accomplishing my goals.

I stole it from Mike

     This was posted on http://livingprepared.blogspot.com/ It reminded me i had  the other one.

   

SUMS IT UP !!!

We got a camper!

   Well  me and the wife found a camper we could agree on.Its not new but it is an 06 in perfect shape and everything works perfect.

   It is a funfinderX that is 23 ft long but only weights 3340Lb so it is towable with my jeep.We have loved our travels in our teardrop but for long stays and parks with limited shower/bathroom facilitys it was rough on the wife (which made my life rough).So now we will be using both.

    When we go for over a week we will take the larger camper but for just 3 or 4 days we will be using the teardrop.We plan on taking the funfinder out to the lake in 2 weeks for a shakedown trip.Pulling something this size will take some getting use to and i had a few issues pulling it the 140 miles back home.My jeep sliped a little in and out of overdrive on flat ground so i had to switch it off  and  drive at 60mph droped gas milage to 11.That is to low it should have been 14 to 16 mpg, time to tune the motor and change the transmission fluid and add a cooler.The cost now will be recouped after 1200 miles so well worth it.
       My post 3 weeks ago was that we were lookig at a new camper I just could not do it.We do love the retro but we got this one for 5000 and it will last us for 5 to 10 years and still be sell it and recoup 2500 to 3500$ .You got to look at total cost and 300 a year in deprisiation is livable.Just for the record for years i saved change when i had the gas station at the end of shifts loose change went into a 5 gallon bucket.Last month i cleaned out my junk room and found i had 2 buckets of change the grand total at the bank was 5049.21 .I GOT A CAMPER!!
    PS  yes the tellers though i was a nut job!!!

THE RESULTS ARE IN !!!!!!!!

    Well the doctor called the wife doesn't have Cancer it was benign!!! It was pre cancerous but now it is out, they want her to take the lose dose preventative treatment.She doesn't show it but i can tell its a load of her mind .We went yesterday on her kidney pain and was told she may have been passing micro stones and that's why she has had occasional kidney pains.
     It is a warped kinda humor that all this started at the same time as she started her social security.Her first check arrives in march and she started falling apart in December.Now we have her super glued back together and a steady income she wants a new small camper with a bathroom to travel in.Last month me her and her sister and brother in law went to the R.V. show it was a interesting way to spend a Sunday afternoon.We looked at RVs that cost 20 times what i paid for our home,a few that were affordable.The wife fell in love with this one   http://www.riversidervs.net/RETRO-MODEL-177-ISLAND-BED.html to some this would look dinky and impractical but we teardrop so it looks huge and luxurious.The sister fell for a Forrest river Freedom 22 footer and bought it the next week.
     The retro my wife loves is my dream camper to and it is reasonable priced at 13,900 (I cant believe i called that reasonable)I have not had any payments on anything since 2005 and have no real job now so financing is going to take a 3rd party(my mom).Normally I would not even consider this but this scare has made me understand our time on earth is limited and i want to spend it with my wife dong what we enjoy.

Health can change any plans.

     Sorry i haven't been posting much lately.Right after New Years my wife had a questionable series of mammograms about 5.The first of February she had a biopsy inconclusive.This week she had a lumpectomy to put every thing to rest and we are waiting on the results.Now the breast doctor told us the biopsy didn't show cancer but she had radial scaring and a bad family history of breast cancer so he wanted to be sure.
     Now that's not what the post is about.But back before Christmas i had purchased a travel package to Orlando for a 3 nite stay at one of those travel time shares for idiots.Yea i was going to have to sit though a sales pitch but for 149$ i will get 100$ n Bass Pro cards and a 4 nite cruise (found out to take the free cruise it will cost 360$) Not a great deal but OK. We were to go down 1/24 and stay at this park http://www.floridastateparks.org/wekiwasprings/default.cfm for a few days then go to the time share.After that we had talked about going to http://www.floridastateparks.org/bahiahonda/default.cfm and Key West.I was looking forward to this winter trip and so was the wife.Thank goodness we had a window to change our plans we canceled the day after the first mammogram.
     Now after 6 weeks of waiting we hope that this will be put to rest by Wednesday and she has a follow up on 3/5 i think .After that the wife asked me when could we leave.She is itching to go some where warmer and sunny.When we first started going camping she did it to humor me but the last year she has been the one with wander lust.If her health holds i think we will be going even more.