A health update

     ok I am doing fair my legs  are fading Steps are killers and I  am back to the power buggy's at the box stores. Pain hasn't been terrible I can manage pretty good most days. I have to be careful with the morphine  I found I can only tolerate a 1/4 dose any more my hands shake so bad typing is impossible .

   I haven't been commenting on my online friends blogs like I should . I have been ripping through books since I got kindle unlimited. averaging a book and 1/2 a day or 300 pages. 

    Last nite I did get a wild hair . Our back yard was tall and thick so I aired up the tires and gassed  up the tractor. Our lawn mowers deck bit the dust my son is searching on Facebook for one. Some folks want a fortune for non-running  bolens Yard man . Now I don't mind a fair price but 250 for a hulk isn't happening. Two folks want 60$ and 100$ and them gone we texted both I will take both on a chance its just meeting up.
OKAY back to the wild hair I tried to get on the tractor but legs just couldn't make it till my wife gave my ass a shove. I was in the seat with the motor sounding good I dropped it into low gear #2 set the bush hog to medium and tooled thru the grass  smooth as silk. I didn't push it. My wife watched me said I had the time of my life I admit it was fun. once finished I parked it where getting on should be easier . 

Gun give away.

      We have all had relative's die and watched the free fall fighting over what was the deceased left behind. I could make a list and hope my wife got everything to who I want to get it. But I have choose to give my guns out before I pass away.  This way there is no hurt feeling ,confusion or mistakes made.

      The first gun I gave to my nephew was an H and R pardoner 20 ga.  for his son when he got older . I gave my brother my Belgium made Browning16ga he broke down in tears when he opened the case and saw it. I have a single shot 22 Glenfield 10  I am putting a red dot sight on for 2 of the grandkids to learn with. Plus a model 25 ,7 shot is getting the same sight for another grandson. I still have a good many more to give to the kids . What I m trying to do is have the gun in good shape and ammo for it when I give it to them. 

    The first of the week Harry at Self Sufficient Mountain Living. had a link for 8mm in striper clips from AIM. I ordered 5 boxes of them (they look like new) but are date 11/53 .  I doubt I could shoot my 8 mm Mauser in the shape I'm in  it would break my shoulder . Wal mart is 39.95 plus tax for a box of 20 I got 75 in stripers for 45.17 tax shipping and all. Just to give away!

     I have other things besides my guns I am finding homes for. The more I get done the less the wife will have to worry with.

Sheltered wife

       I never noticed but it seems I have taken care of my household pretty damn good . Me and the wife sat down to discuss the bills . It appears that my wife has no idea how to pay the bills ,what bills we have ,when there due or anything. I get all bills by E mail and pay them online except our water and gas. Those 2 company's are stuck in 1974. I mail them checks every 2 or 3 months . I showed the wife how to log on to pay the cable bill she did good the 23 rd time she tried. next will be the power I expect it to take longer as its 2 bills in one to be payed. Any way she should be able to do it by her self if she try's hard come April or May. I also showed her how the real food is bought every2 weeks that has to be cooked . NOT from dollar general.

        I have the Jeep being worked on now she plans to keep it as a back up for her car. I want the cars and truck in as good a shape as possible for her . Plus I will have good tires put on the Jeep and truck. Her son would help after I am gone but last set of tires he got he spent 1400 for the best . I plan on 700 for 2 good new sets. I spent the weekend doing work on the rental trailer . Jason our renter is like one of the kids but we like him .  I have it in good shape hopefully nothing major will need to be done for a few years up there.
      Last Thursday I booked us a cruise on a last minute deal to the Bahamas on Royal Caribbean . 5 nights for 2 was only 750$ ocean view rooms. I am even thinking of a 3 day trip to the Smokey's next week as a surprise . I am checking room rates now to get a good deal if possible. It would be great if it flurried in the Mts then 5 days later we where sweating in Freeport. If you can't
 tell I feel fine but have hit hyper mode.

      I plan on taking care of a few more things ahead of time so it spares the wife doing it . Part is I love her ,part is she would be took and spend way to much . I have started a notebook for her all she has said " I am not stupid" but when asked what she would do or handle something she says  I will be ok . Then she went back to a Facebook  trance.

      

I got the long face and bad news

        I just want to say thank you to everyone I have talked to here on line and Read blogging. The Doctor gave me the bad news last Thursday . I have 12 months give or take a few. I knew before I went the doctor I was to see immediately after him had a added specialty of palliative care. That's a doctor that over see,s hospice and knocks you out when the end is near. She reminded me of a sweet Aunt I named my youngest after. 

           Being told your dying is a bitch, its worst because I feel GOOD . I mean I am having trouble swallowing again but I am managing to get down enough food . I had prepared my wife so she was my rock . Telling the kids went as expected  but when I had to go up and tell my  MOM  and brother  I lost it. I am ok now but I have a lot to get done. Next week is a lawyer to do a will. I have a note book I am listing items the wife is to give to friends and  relative's once I pass (damn writing and speaking "once I pass" feels weird ). I have a lot to sell because the wife would be lost getting rid of MY STUFF.

        I had to send a letter to my cousin and uncle they have been trying to sell some property I'm half owner in. WE don't get along ,I demanded 60% low retail of my share  to deed it to him . It will burn his ass to have to pay me himself but if he doesn't he has to contend with my wife and 3 kids to make a sale. My kids make what resterraunt for a birthday into a cluster fuck and he knows it. I gave him 60 days or no deal.

        Yea im rambling so I will end this post just wanted to put it out here .

I am still around.

      Sorry for not posting for so long . I haven't been feeling great still don't . I have been having a lot of sharp pain  in my throat to my ear. Its a ghost pain caused by nerves according to the doctor like when someone loses a leg and it itches. Mine is caused by swelling of the nerve bundle . Friday I go in to have my throat stretched and biopsies  took . My eating should improve and decrease the pain. It has been 359 days since they removed the cancer so I need to let them poke around and check it out.

camping feels good

  Last week we went and spent a week at the lake just me and the wife . We enjoyed getting away from the house and all the family . It is necessary  even for a old long term couple to get away and have some alone time in a different setting.

     We came back so I could go to the doctor. I have to see this one twice a year to stay in the system but I like her as a doctor. I told her she was a stubborn old Hindu doctor .She scolds me like I am a child for my blood pressure and diet. She cares and it shows. I am at a perfect weight of 190  BP was 138 / 91  and A1c from last visit was 4.7 . But I may be starting a preventative round of immune therapy I haven't decided yet . I feel good except for having reflux and trouble sleeping because of it.  I am no fool I only have a 60% chance of making it to 2022 and a 30% chance at making 2027. Now is the time for fun .

     

My house is old !!!

       OK a lot of people have older homes . Mine is just older than most . I know Will Proctor grew up here, he died in 1982 at the age of 86 any way the best I can tell the house was built 1890 to 1900 by will's father. So its over a 120 years old . Now I know it has been renovated 2 times. Once in the 30's they enclosed the back porch to make the kitchen and bathroom. Again in the 50's new roof, floors and the cedar siding. A minor one in 83 for electrical and painted inside and out. For its age it is still pretty solid ,but for about 10 years the kitchen floor has had some bounce,a sage and a dip that I should have took care of a long time ago. 3 years ago I picked up a floor jack like this one.  Steel column jack

  Instead of a steel beam I used  a 4x4  crossmember and one jack .

Once I had it screwed to level (It took 2 weeks and 4 adjustments) I replaced the column with 2 4x4 ones . I need 2 more supports put in so I needed the jack for them. When I get done the kitchen and bathroom will be sturdy and level. By using the 4x4's this is only going to cost 70$. If I left the jack posts it would have cost 6 to 800$ once done.

    I am feeling about 70% of my old self . Being down for a year a lot around the house suffered. I will admit a lot was on the back burner (like the floor) and painting when I got sick now is the time to catch up. I would hate to relapse and leave my wife with these problems to  contend with on top of me. If all goes as planed she will have new flooring and fresh paint  and counter tops in the kitchen by Christmas. 

A year makes a huge difference .

   Yesterday I turned 55 all the kids called texted or came by. Me and the wife went out and had  good lunch of steak fajita's. She drank a couple of top shelf margaritas and got a little frisky on my ass. I liked my present . I am a year older not dead ! 
   Now last year I was in a hospital bed with 2 I V,s in me. I had a drain tube hanging out my gut wondering  if I was going to be around Mothers day (which I spent in the ICU unit). My dear wife asked if I wanted my birthday present and I had to pass last year . Now I am not being vulgar its just  me . I give her the same answer every time she asks me "what do you want for " dinner ,lunch, birthday, Christmas, you name it has become a running joke with us. She said she knew I was scared and sick last year when she didn't get my normal reply. 

      We have the camper ready to head out this weekend down to the coast. I plan on getting in 10 days down there then come home . My wife,s sister has breast cancer and is having a double Mastectomy to eliminate any chance of it returning. She's the one that normally camps with us. My wife plans on helping her during her recovery. Soon as sister in law is able we will take her to the Smokey's and stay a week.

     I haven't posted much because my mother  has been visiting but she went home yesterday .  

The news has improved.

  First of thanks for the kind words and wishes from everyone. I hope everyone had a good holiday season.
     My last post may have been a little pessimistic :) . I saw the surgeon  a few weeks back he says he got it all and my lung doctor says their clean. The surgeon says his partner is a gloomy Gus always looking for the worst . He thinks I will be fine but no guaranties in medicine . My neck is almost healed. I have one of those round inserts for my stoma hole in my neck. I find it fits best in my pocket :) damn thing chokes the hell out of me when its in my neck.

     The best news to post is I can talk a little with the valve they put in between my trach and esophagus . Its a course croaking sound but its understandable. The speech therapist says I should be talking good in 6 months with what I can do now.  I will be posting at least weekly from now on but I have to decide what direction my life and blog will be taking.

I live but the news isnt good.

      OK they didn't pull my lymph nodes out back in September . They did do another throat biopsy that came back as cancer.  So I had to have a complete larogeal removal . Its a fancy way of saying I can't talk and have a stoma hole in my neck. I have a gapping cut from ear to ear that's about half healed. My lymph nodes were finally pulled but it seem I had tentacles of cancer from the nodes wrapped around my jugular vein. Now with no lymph nodes and down a jugular my face and neck swell 3 to 4 times a day.

      While  I feel ok now I have to be a realist The cancer has Metastasized it can and will pop up somewhere else maybe in a month or a few years. So as soon as I heal and can I plan on cramming as much life in as I can . The winter allows me time to get my affairs squared away. I have decided  no new camper better to take the funds we have and go and have fun. 

Time to travel !

     I haven't post much lately because I  had a biopsy last month. I admit I have been worried . While the CT didn't show any cancer a PET scan showed abnormal cells in my throat and lymph nodes. Today I found out I have NONE in my throat!!!! As for the lymph nodes I am going to have them removed the 5th of September. If they are cancerous they will be out and a none issue. To remove them is no more surgery than to biopsy them.  But I have a 3 week window to go to the beach !!!!!!!

     This year has been all about doctors and hospitals. I need some beach time . So about an hour ago I reserved 6 days at big lagoon for the week of the 20th . While it isn't some place new it is NOT HERE. Sometimes its just about getting away.

     While we are there we plan on going over to Fort Pickens and getting a senior park  pass  so we can get half off federal camp grounds because we plan on traveling next year. This may be the last trip in our Fun finder as we are Looking at another larger camper.

I AM CANCER FREE !!!!!!!!!

      Today I went to the doctor for my first post treatment CT scan. My radiologist oncologist read the CT and did an endoscope of my throat and could see no signs of cancer !!!! He saw some swelling that he said was normal but nothing that indicated cancer. I have to see him in 3 months for a checkup and hopefully every 6 months after that !!

     I  would like to thank everyone for their Prayers and well wish's. This has reaffirmed my belief that prayer is  powerful .

   The reason for spotty posting has been I went to the lake the week before the 4TH and then was back in the hospital with a staf infection  the week of the 4th. Even though I am home I am on I.V. antibiotics for 14 more days.   Hopefully life will settle down and return to normal.

I am alive ! barely

     Sorry for the long absence but things have been tough . My feeding tube got infected with some nasty germs and it blew out they tried 2 more but tissue lose was to much. right now I have a quarter size hole in my stomach that has been draining for a month. To make it worse every now and then it starts bleeding and back to the hospital. I have spent 14 out of the last 30 in the hospital.
    The rest of my time I am kinda bed ridden to prevent bleeding and it is getting old. Friday I see the doctor that should fix my stomach next week.

     On a good note I finished the radiation and the chemo was canceled be cause I cant tolerate it. I think the cancer is gone will know July 15  for sure.

Hey every one.

     I hope every one has been doing well I haven't been online much in the last few week. For me it has been a ride .

     I spent last Friday night in the hospital and last night in the hospital . Last Friday was for de hydration and Low blood pressure. I had hit a brick wall because I wasn't eating. I was drinking but not enough and with no food for 3 weeks my body was in bad shape. Well they got me plenty of I.V. plus some dextrose I.V. and I was lucky had a young doctor who was thorough and he called my other 2 doctors . This week I have had a swallow study done ( Fine) and yesterday they put in a feeding tube (peg)

  I had fought against the feeding tube from day one . The more people I talked to and the more weight I lost the more I reliesed I was a Dumbass and it was the only way I was going to get through all my treatments . So yesterday I got the PEG and had to stay 24 hours for observation. Today my body has got 800 calories in it and I can feel it . Tomorrow I will increase to 1200  calories for 2 days then 1800 to 2000 calorie a day after that. My stomach has shrunk  and the nurse advised me to start slow. I hope I will be able to begin eating a little again next week as I have had a   BAD case of Thrush that the young doctor I saw last week prescribed some pills for that are working.

   

     In a few days I will do a post on what starvation does to a person but my thinking is still fuzzy.

    So for now  I am back on the right track . I had chest X rays no cancer evident and my lymph nodes are back to normal size but am still to swollen from the radiation for my neck x rays to be readable. It gives me hope.

A quik update.

     Ok I am alive. Treatment are daily and I am losing energy and weight  this is a grueling time please bear with me if I go missing for a week at a time.

I Start Monday.

     Today I finally met my oncologist ! He seems like a competent doctor and answered my question without dancing around. He has a quiet kind voice suited to the bad news he has to give to some people. I was asked about my ability to eat, pain level, and if I was willing to get a port for chemo.

    At this point I had to stop him and describe myself to him . I made it clear I am a Man I wanted him to treat my cancer aggressively  I don't whine but if I was hurting I would let them know. There would be no feeding tube unless I was below 180 lb. and agreed. As for a port everyone I had talked to said it was better than an arm IV so schedule it. I also made it clear I was a straight talker and wanted him to return the favor  NO CANDY COATING and ALL OPTIONS ON TABLE. He said few patient fit what I described and asked for. Seems he has a lot of patient he has to coddle and baby.

    I start my chemo on Monday morning then I have radiation that afternoon. It looks like I will get 42 doses of radiation and 13 chemo treatments . One day next week I will also get the chemo port in my chest. I will be dealing with these treatments till at least May 15 th.

If you knew ?

     If you knew there was a good chance you could die in a year or so what would your reaction be ?  For some it might be to climb into bed and wait for the end in a comatose state. For others it could be just going through the motions of life till the end. Now for most that are reading this I would hope they are like me.   MAN Up try to cheat death and live but just in case get your affairs in order.

     Now I am going to live for a long while but there is a chance my treatments may fail  "In the end the Death takes us all".

     Are your affairs in order ? Do you have a Will ? Are you a collector of guns, tools, cars, or a hundred other items ? Would your spouse or kids have a clue as to the value ? Do you have projects that are valuable if finished ,you should complete ? Do you have property that needs to be shuffled so it goes to who you want it to?  These are morbid thoughts but they are valid for any one sick or of advanced age. Their valid for any one you ever know.

     As I have posted many times I have been working for a year on my daughters place. It is basically finished but when the electrician tried to pull a permit they wouldn't till I go get a county inspector to sign off on what I have done so far. I know the roof I put on will fail and I will have to remove it. I built it on the trailer, according to the county it has to be "self supporting like a car port". So I am 2 weeks out on her moving.

    

  My sons place just need 200$ in material then me to pay the deposits and turn on fees for water and electricity. About 500 total has him a permanent home! Trouble is cash is tight its winter so income is down and the slush fund is dwindling .
    The Blountsville house is under contract to a lady when it sells I will be ok. I will double what I have in it.
    My BOL is still on hold not ready to let it go yet. I have 2 interested parties so that should be an easy sell if needed.
   In the past I bought a lot of beer memorabilia I am going to sell. I have 2 cooper  moonshine stills I will put on e bay.

   In the yard I have to decide about 2 vending trailer and 2 trucks that are taking up space.

    Now I am not planning on death but I am going to have my affairs in order the way I want. I have never seen anything as putrid and despicable as the way some families act on settling an estate!!!!! The squabbling over petty stuff and legal actions over property have left me  ashamed I knew or was related to them. Yall understand what I am saying!!!!
As a prepper I looked at a dozen different ways life as we know it could end but never its actual end. I now understand as a husband a father and a Man I should have . Regardless of your age or health if you haven't given it a hard look it is an eye opener. MAN UP its your family take care of them don't think it will work out and they will do ok.
   

Tests are in.

     Well I got my test and biopsy report today Not Good. I am stage 4 laryngeal  throat cancer. The ENT surgeon pushed for removal of voice box , neck lymph nodes and permeant tracheotomy  followed by radiation as the way to go. The radiation /chemo doctor pushed starting with rad/chemo as the way to go. My  general practitioner advised me to go with radiation /chemo first because I could still have surgery if necessary . ALL OPTIONS  SUCK!!!!!!

      I choose the radiation / chemo as my option . Breathing through a hole in my neck and not being able to talk didn't appeal to me. I like the water to much for a stoma tracheotomy.  If it is a have to I would do it but not till all other options are gone.

  I have a appointment to get mapped for the radiation next week and probably one with the chemo doctor to. Then I will start the treatments of 7 doses of radiation a week for 6 weeks followed by 6 weeks or more of chemo.   If the tumor isn't gone then it is back to the knife.

     Even though the news wasn't good I am going to beat this. It hasn't moved to my lungs or any where but my neck its a matter of getting it now.  I did lose 6 more pounds in 2 weeks but I am back to eating ok now.  My G/P wants me to start drinking Carnation breakfast shakes 3 times a day . I can still drop 40 pounds before I am at the perfect 180 by chart.  Which is funny I passed the 200 mark when I was 12 . My Mother always told me at 50 things would fall apart seems she was right !!!!  Mom is taking my health hard I can hear her thinking of my stepdad JC when we talk. He had a bad heart that gave out because of cancer treatments.

   Ok that's it for my health when I blog on here it will be about normal stuff . Life is to short to be down ! Its almost time to go camping and I am itching to go. If I beat the big C and get my disability started I am off to see how much living I can really do!!